brianreeder.com - I do what I want!

How true. This quote popped into my head during a recent trip to Victoria, BC. Shawshank Redemption is one of my favorite movies, and this is one of my favorite lines from it. I think it’s a telling line that can be read in many different ways. The way I take it is very literal. I think life boils down to either floating aimlessly on the breeze or trying to make your life better. For what? Maybe not for me, but for those around me. And trying to balance myself and others is in my eyes the challenge of life. It’s a teeter-totter. Life is about balancing the positive and negative, joy with pain, etc. If we had all positive we’d be bored to tears, all negative and we’d all be suicidal. Finding that middle ground is and will be the constant challenge of my life. But it is one I face gratefully.

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“If you want to know how you really feel about someone take note of the impression an unexpected letter from them makes on you when you first see it on the doormat.”

The more I think about this, the more I think it’s true. To adjust for the times you can probably exchange “doormat” with “inbox” and”unexpected letter” with “text message” or “email”. I think the meaning is the same though- the emotion stirred from unexpectedly thinking of someone is as pure as possible. It is pure because you had no preconceived thought involved with that person the moments before, and any emotion stirred will be your most ingrained feeling for them. You didn’t have a chance to anticipate the thought and prepare yourself for it. Whatever emotion: dread, love, anger, joy; is the most raw + least influenced you can feel about them.

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“More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.”

I agree with the second half of this comment, but not the first.

I don’t think you can flatter someone into being a good person, it has to happen on their own accord. Flattering someone is a cheap form of real encouragement, and a thinly veiled furthering of the flatterers own interests. Virtue is not something you can persuade someone to be. If you do, it isn’t true virtue, but instead you’re own subjective version of the virtue. True virtue comes intrinsically, and cannot be shaken by another.

I do agree that you cannot bully people out of vice. If someone is bullied out of a certain behavior, thought, etc., it isn’t for themselves. And because of that it is more likely the person will turn back to their original action- be it out of spite, rebellion, or enjoyment. Trying to force someone to feel an emotion (guilt, anger, fear, etc.) doesn’t mean they feel it, it just means they see what you want them to do. And they are more likely to hold resentment and anger if they do change. And, they’re more likely to turn back because of it.

I don’t think it’s possible to force change on anyone through any means. I think it is possible to support someone in change, but the initial step(s) have to be taken by + for the individual. Even then it is a fine and broken line to walk.

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“If the immediate and direct purpose of our life is not suffering then our existence is the most ill-adapted to its purpose in the world.” -Schopenhauer

This is cynical but thought-provoking. Misfortune is everywhere, yet each occurrence is taken as an exception to the rule. Why is that? I think it’s more healthy to accept, that yes, we all will have problems. Constantly! It isn’t about eliminating that pain- a new one will always take its place. I think its about finding joy and contentment WITH that pain in life. Finding beauty throughout struggle, love throughout betrayal, joy throughout everything. To me its about finding whats truly important to me, and having my actions reflect those things- every day. I hate the mindset of tomorrow- I’ll do it tomorrow, deal with it tomorrow, change it tomorrow. Fuck that. All I have is today. What can I do with today? I’m going to find that out. Hope you do the same!

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