Archive for the 'comedy' Category

Screw the Gym Membership, Buy Rocks.

rocks vs. gym

So many people spend a lot of money trying to lose weight, gain weight, get fit, gain muscle, lose fat, etc. I personally spend $30 bucks a month on a 24 Hour Fitness membership. I use it, but I know I’m one of few that does. I know a girl that spent $40 a month on a gym membership she didn’t use. For 3 years. Let’s do the math.

36 months x $40 a month = $1440

Her reasoning for keeping it: she MIGHT start going again and spent $200 to sign up initially. She said she’s went to the gym for about 2 months, 4 times a week. So:

9 weeks x 4 times per week = 36 visits

$1440 in monthly charges + $200 sign up fee / 36 visits = $45.56 per visit

So this girl paid more than her monthly bill per actual gym visit. And I know she’s not alone.

Now my idea: Many people are shifting to a non-gym workout regiment these days, some of the activities being:

Cardio-respiratory: walking, running, swimming, cycling, sports, etc
Muscular: swimming, sports, cycling, push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, etc

I know the guys here at db clay are doing push-ups sporadically throughout the workday. All of these exercises lack one pretty obvious thing - you don’t need machines to do them. At most you’re looking at investing in a bicycle, a pair of shoes, possibly a football/basketball/etc., maybe paying to go to the pool. But you these are usually one time fees.

They do lack one thing - weights. You can get the workout in else ware (notably swimming), but weights will help you bulk up, or gain muscle to lose fat. Body weight is great once you’re already fit, but if you’re looking for increased results you need to up the ante. So my thought is, instead of buying that membership to use machines/dumbbells four times a year, just buy rocks. I have a couple of reasons for suggesting this.

  1. Rocks are cheap.
  2. Rocks are heavy. (weight)
  3. You can control how much rocks weigh (get different sizes)
  4. Rocks are functional weight.

Why is functional weight important? Well to some it’s not, but I would much prefer to do something I may be doing in the future (doing chores, working outside, manly things, etc.) than doing bench press all day. Plus, lifting rocks works many muscle groups at the same time, stabilizers and major groups. So you’re getting a better workout, faster.

So get out there and get some rocks, they don’t require a membership and will always be there for you!

Fun At Wal-Mart

I don’t care if this is fake or has already been posted, it still made me laugh. This is an email I received from a good friend:

“After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1 June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2 July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3 July 7:Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”

5 August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6 August 14:Moved a “CAUTION - WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7 August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8 August 23:When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9 September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10:While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3:Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ” Mission Impossible” theme.

12. October 6:In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18:Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. October 21:When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but not least 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!’”

Comedy.

Happy St. Patty’s Day!

In honor of St. Patty’s, here’s a classic Guiness commercial.

The Amazing Exploding Whale

The year: 1970
The location: Florence, OR
The Subject: Blowing up a beached whale
The Verdict: NEVER AGAIN

Top 10 Top 10 Lists of 2007.

These are the Top 10 Top 10 (or Top 9, or Top 40) Lists I saw in 2007. Coming soon, the Top 10 Top 10 Top 10 Lists. And one or two of these may be from 2006 or 2008, but I really don’t care.

funny images10. Oddorama.com did a post titled “10 Top Funny, Odd and/or Interesting Images of 2007“. The images are just as the title said - interesting, funny, and usually odd. This particular one made me chuckle - not only a funny image, but a great FedEx advertisement and a nice burn on UPS. Oddorama.com is all about weird news and the site claims to be “a labor of lust… a cheap trick”.

google search tricks9. Lifehacker.com’s post called “Top 10 Obscure Google Search Tricks“. Some functions you didn’t know about Google’s search engine, but that will undoubtedly become a necessity in your life. And if they don’t, who cares? Lifehacker.com is everything to do with life… and hacking it.

celebrity mustaches8. AskMen.com does quite a few Top 10 lists, my favorite being “Top 10: Celebrity Mustaches“. Not only does this Top 10 list include Tom Selleck, but a variety of other superstars in the “celebrity mustache grind”. I wonder if AskMen.com optimized after this post dropped? I mean, “Tom Selleck” is THE most searched phrase in the history of mankind, or any kind. Tom - we love you, but stop doing guest spots on shows like “Boston Legal”. Oh god… I just said I loved Tom Selleck. Damn that mustache!

firefox extensions7. Lifehack.org is a great resource for valuable “Top 10″ lists, this one being my nerdy favorite: “Top 10 Firefox Extensions to Improve Productivity“. All of the extensions are functional, if not very exciting. But hey, the URL fixer seems ready to party - ” URL fixer will replace the common typos you enter when typing a Web site into the URL bar… The auto correct feature of URL fixer is very helpful. “. Whoaaa URL Fixer, pace yourself, you want to be able to stay up all night!

unique structures6. Deputy-Dog.com has a couple “Top 10’s” in my “Top 10 Top 10″, this one dealing with the “Top 9 Unique Structures Soon to be Built“. These buildings all seem very “back-to-the-future-esque”, and I love it. After these are all built, I am going to tour the world with the specific intention of visiting each of these monstrosities and spitting off the top of them. Not to hit anyone below, but to say I did. And to be in the Guinness Book of World Records - my ultimate goal in life.

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